Managing the Judge When Doing Your Own Divorce

Judge Shorty is presidin' today

And he don't take no stuff from nobody

No kind of way

            -Shorty Long, "Here Comes the Judge" 1968

I recently read an article about a judge in West Virginia who ordered an ex-husband representing himself to let the judge, the other lawyer, his ex-wife and court staff into his home without a warrant. This was not proper and the judge involved resigned after being fined and disciplined. But it got me thinking about how people representing themselves in court deal with judges.

Before diving into tips and suggestions, let me put some fears to rest. I’ve never seen or heard about an Oregon judge doing anything like this. Far from it. Oregon has judges who work hard to work with families that don’t have lawyers in their cases. The fact is most families in Oregon going through court don’t both have lawyers so our judges are used to working with families representing themselves.

And that work goes beyond their own courtrooms. Oregon has a State Family Law Advisory Committee (the “SFLAC”) that includes judges working on ways to improve family law court. The SFLAC has pushed for changes that simplify case and make family court easier to use. Some of the changes that have come out of SFLAC’s work includes:

• Informal domestic relations trials (“IDRT”)
• Mandatory parenting education and mediation
• Easier ways to formally “serve” your spouse if they’re avoiding getting the papers
• Creating parenting information
• Improvements to the protective order process

During my time on the SFLAC and as a practicing lawyer, I’ve seen how much our judges care about the people whose cases they decide. And I’ve seen how hard they work to make process better for people with or without lawyers. If you're representing yourself in Oregon, you need not fear the West Virginia experience described at the start of this article.

But what should you expect from your judge if you are representing yourself?

Your judge should

• speak to you respectfully and politely
• be fair to both you and your spouse/co-parent or partner (past or current). Note: being fair doesn’t mean agreeing with you or ruling your way. It means they keep an open mind and follow the law
• allow you to speak without being interrupted when it’s your time to talk
• consider your evidence or tell you why they can’t (if you choose an IDRT you won’t run into evidence code rules that prevent you from offering letters and other information)
• give you a decision in writing
• give you a chance to explain why you need temporary relief if you ask for it
• enforce discovery rules so you can get information you need for your case

You can help yourself and your case if you remember a few things:

• Judges are human and will respond better to respect and courtesy than attitude and hostility
• Judges have titles: “Your honor,” “Judge [their last name]” or “Sir/Ma’am”
• Judges have a lot of cases. When it’s time for yours, be early and prepared so you can start on time and finish efficiently
• Judges don’t know your family history. It’s your job to teach them by making information easy to follow
• Judges want to do their jobs not be dragged through personal emotion and drama. Family law problems are emotional for the family but trying to appeal to a judge's emotion is not recommended.

But what if things go off track? What can you do if the judge is pushing you to do something that doesn’t seem right (such as taking a field trip to your house)?

• take a deep breath
• ask if you can have a break (called a “recess”) to collect yourself. The break you take may also help your judge do the same
• repeat back to the judge what you heard and ask them if that is correct
• if it isn’t, ask the judge to clarify what they're saying
• ask the judge what rule, law or procedure they are basing their order on
• if they tell you sit down or to be quiet, do it. You don’t want to be “in contempt of court”
• know that there is a process to review what the judge has said or ordered, called an appeal
• remember, you don’t want to argue with the judge (you’ll lose); you should only argue “before” the judge (this means you're making an argument about a point, not picking a fight with the judge)

I hope these tips and points help you stay on track as you do your own divorce, custody or other family law case.